Archive for 'Funny'

Small is Good

laptopA few years ago I made the switch. You know that switch from crap computers to awesome expensive computers. Making the switch is like trading in your Yugo for a new BMW. The price difference is the about the same too. In 2004 I bought a 13″ Mac Powerbook G4 (I sold it to my brother two years later…it is still work perfectly to this day!). After I bought my new laptop I went over to visit my friend Ben and his wife Melanie. While we were sitting on the couch watching TV I took out my laptop to check email/do homework/ look something up online to prove I knew what I was talking about. As I took out my laptop and began to use it, Melanie came back in the room. She looked at me and said, “Wow Scott. Your…THING…is so small!” I lifted up my head to see her pointing to my lap (where my aptly named laptop was resting). Ben just started to laugh. Mel turned bright red and walked out of the room. I dropped my eyes back to the screen to resume my work. I didn’t argue with her…I really hope she was talking about my new computer.

Never buy furniture from Civilizzation in Salt Lake City, Utah

Tonight at dinner my brother-in-law, Tony, told us about his experience at Civilizzation, a furniture store in Salt Lake City, Utah. Tony stopped in to shop for couches a few weeks ago without his wife. He found one he liked but learned it was the last one. He put a $100 deposit down on the couch so he could go home and measure the room it was going to be put in and bring his wife back to see it. He received a receipt that said if he chose not to purchase the couch he could use his deposit as in-store credit on any other item. They returned this weekend and decided that the couch wouldn’t fit the room he and his wife had hoped to put it in. They found a chair that they liked and when they went to purchase the chair the owner “Robert” (who pronounces his name Robe-air) refused to honor the $100 deposit that my brother-in-law had. Initially Bob tried to lie saying that there was no record of the transaction but when my brother-in-law went around the counter and looked at the computer the invoice from their his deposit was on the screen. The two argued back and forth for a bit until Bob ask Tony to come back to his office. It was there that Bob yelled, scream, threw a little bitch fit at Tony. He swore at him, threatened him, and kicked him out of the store.

Now Tony is not a small guy. Had I been in Tony’s place I would have spent the night in jail for beating the shit out of this Bob after hearing about the way he spoke to Tony. Tony asked Bob if he was threatening him and then warned him that if he touched him he would defend him self. That’s Tony’s way of saying if you get any closer to me I’m going to kill you. Tony wasn’t talking like kill you/punch you in the face, He’s talking like kill you, you’ll be dead. They exchanged heated words and Tony left. Bob wouldn’t sell Tony the chair, give him a refund, or even honor the in-store credit.

After cooling off a bit Tony returned home and called the store. He wanted to talk to Bob and get things resolved. Tony was happy to pay him the difference for the chair and walk away for ever. Why Tony was waiting on hold he got another call. He got a call from the SL Police Department. Bob had called the police and claimed that Tony has pushed him but didn’t feel the need to press charges. He just wanted to make sure that Tony knew he couldn’t come back to the store ever again. Tony spoke with the officer and told him his side of the experience. When all was said and done the cops knew Bob was a lying sack of crap.

As of today there are a few ways for Tony to get his money back. One of those ways to help Tony get his cash back is to never buy anything at or from Civilizzation. No customer should ever be treated the way that Tony was. No one should ever be talked to that way. Do not support a company that treats customers as poorly as Civilizzation treats theirs. If you find something in Civilizzation you like contact me. My wife is an interior designer and will find another wholesaler who will get the same furniture for you without having to deal with this horrible company.

One thing was interesting. When Tony started telling the story, Jeff, another brother-in-law, said, “Oh my parents had the WORST experience at Civilizzation. They delivered couches with a hugh tear in them and refused to fix, swap out, repair, or refund any money. In fact the told my dad that if they were going to look at it his dad would have to load it back up and bring it in to the shop.” Within a small group of 8 adults, there were 2 horrible customer service stories from Civilizzation.

I’ll add Civilizzation to places that I will never spend a dime! Here are a few places on that list. They are all here to my personal experiences or something that I’ve heard from someone else.

  1. Low Book Sales
  2. Orbitz.com
  3. Brent Brown Toyota
  4. Regean Outdoor Media
  5. Dave Strong Audi
  6. Civilizzation

Here is the Better Business Bureau report on Civilizzation. As you’ll see, Tony isn’t the only one to have some problems with ol’ Bob and the boys at Civilizzation.

They have had 11 complaints in the last 36 months. You’ve really got to suck to get someone to complain to the BBB
1 regarding Contract Issues, 2 regarding Customer Service Issues, 1 regarding Delivery Issues, 2 regarding Product Issues, 4 regarding Sales Practice Issues, and 1 regarding Service Issues

Do you part to let people who run businesses this way that it’s not okay. Don’t shop at Civilizzation. Don’t let your friends, family, or enemies shop there either.

If Bob would refund Tony his $100, I’d take this post down. Until Tony’s money is refunded I plan on using my down time at work to do everything I can to make sure anyone who searches Google, Yahoo, MSN, or ask Jeeves for Civilizzation, furniture in Utah, or many many more keywords related to Utahans buying furniture, find out just how bad Bob and Civilizzation treat their customers.

World’s Best Copywriting

Wow this is maybe the best worst in the history of the world. I love it! Please help me make the end jingle my ringtone I’ll give you $5! Next time you’re having a bad day please just sing to yourself… “At the Red Hoooouse, where black people and white people buy furniture.”

This commercial is PERFECT!

Marketing Could Have Saved The World

Marketing could have saved the world. Actually, it just could have saved Arrested Development. That would have made the world a much better place to live. If you haven’t seen this show you’ve been living in a social black hole. If you don’t like this show…you’re not smart enough to understand it…and…you’re the reason Bernie Mac was on for so many damn seasons. You should be ashamed of yourself. In fact you’re the reason the economy is failing, why people chose to do drugs, and why bad things happen to good people. I don’t like you people. You’re bastard people.

Warning: Potty Words

There is really one one potty word but David Cross says it a few times.

Those Who Build Upon Sand

KSL’s investigative reporting has learned it’s not a very good idea to build your house on a mountain that has been moving since the dawn of time. They have fasted, prayed, and consulted with BYU’s world renowned department of Passing Judgement on Others concluding that it’s still not a good idea to build your house on sand. They did, however, agree that construction could move forward in sandy areas if you could use the equity in your current home to build another home, those encouraging you to commit mortgage fraud were BYU graduates or if it increased the size of your downline. Utah County has since been offered in a trade to Wyoming for a new shinny dime and half a stick of gum. Wyoming officials are debating the offer considering the damage Utah County would do to Wyoming’s reputation.

Click here to read the story on KSL.com.

How to Lose Creditability and Alienate Intelligent People

  1. pop your collar
  2. wear puka shell necklace
  3. wear clothing that says “Abercrombie or Hollister”
  4. say, “Bro!”, “When I was a DJ”, or modify any word to end with “-izzle”
  5. drive a car with a spoiler
  6. sell security systems, pest control, or have part in any MLM (especially those based in Utah County)

I’m sure this list will grow. In fact I know it will. I’m just getting it started.

Walmart Genius

The phone of the local Walmart bakery rings. The employee takes their finger out of the frosting, wipes it on their shirt, reaches for the phone.

“Hello ‘dis is WAL-marts. How can I help you today?

“Yes. I’d like to order a cake for a going away party.”

“Ok. What would you like it to say?”

“We’d like to say, ‘best wishes Suzanne’ and underneath that ‘we’ll miss you’.”

“Okay so that is, ’best wishes Suzanne and underneath that we’ll miss you’?”

“Correct.”

“That will be ready in two to three hours for you to pick up.”

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AWESOME!

One Word…WOW

This is my new favorite classified ad…

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Senator Chris Buttars to Win Prestigious HAA Award

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Today I announced that Utah Senator Chris Buttars will be award with the prestigious Horses Ass Award. Senator Chris Buttars (R, Senate  10) was first nominated after his racist comments last year. Last year Buttars described legislation on the Senate floor by saying, “This baby is black…this is a dark, ugly thing.” He then followed up that comment with this gem, ”the ACLU – bless their black hearts…,”

He ensured his place in history after opening his mouth once again to show everyone what a angry, hateful bigot he is. In a documentary about the LDS church’s involvement in California’s Prop 8 in 2008 Buttars was interviewed and reported compared homosexuals to radical muslims. That is just ridiculous because homosexuals don’t wear turbans. Buttars said, ”It’s just like the Muslims. Muslims are good people and their religion is anti-war. But it’s been taken over by the radical side.” Buttars also claims he’s “killed” every gay rights bill in the legislature for the last 8 years. He also talks about gay marriage being the beginning of the end. He offered real insight and understanding when he said, ”What is the morals of a gay person? You can’t answer that because anything goes.” And finally, this is how senator Buttars refers to the radical gay movement by saying, ‘They’re probably the greatest threat to America going down I know of.”

On his website Buttars states:

“One thing is sure; I will always be clear on where I stand on any issue and why I have taken that position.”

So I’ll break this down for you.

Sen. Buttars position: Homosexuality is evil and so are homosexuals.

Why: Buttars is a hate filled, ignorant bigot who just might be suppressing his own same gender attraction by attacking the homosexual community. Just a thought…

All I can hope and pray for is God to bless this Senator with a child or grandchild with same gender attraction so he might learn to be a decent human being.

Honorable Mention award goes to the residents of West Jordan who RE-ELECTED Senator Bigot Buttars last fall. West Jordan, I’d like to thank you for perpetuating the stereotype that Utah is full of close-minded, angry, republican bigots who claim to have a better Jesus than the rest of the world. Please get a clue when your out shopping tomorrow.

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Only In Canada…

The fans of the Toronto Futbol Club voted to name the hawk at the stadium Bitchy. I’m not making this up.

Watch the Video

INTRODUCING BITCHY THE HARRIS HAWK & BMO FIELD PROTECTOR!

The term “eyes like a hawk” has taken on a whole new meaning at BMO Field as the home of Toronto FC has a new guardian overlooking the pitch. Perched high above sits TFC’s newest member – Bitchy (as named by you the fans) the hawk. Enlisted to stand guard on match days, Bitchy is trained to protect the BMO Field faithful from…of all things … seagulls!

The proximity to Lake Ontario and of course all the fine food around BMO Field makes the stadium a haven for gulls. The pesky birds have caused quite the nuisance for players, fans and of course the clean up staff. But that all ends going forward.

Enter Parabuteo unicinctus, or as she is more commonly known as – Bitchy the Harris Hawk. This four year old bird of prey has a 1.2 metre wingspan and strikes fear in the eyes of seagulls (as well as rabbits, rodents, lizards and possibly visiting teams). Our newest supporter will be at all TFC home games to watch over our house.